Kids, Dating and Sex:
Don't damage yourselves for life!

Most adults could write a book on the pain and suffering caused by not following simple advice that God provided in His word as a youth. Of course, this is because many parents don't know what to teach, or how, thus, the same mistakes continue to be made over and over again by millions of teens. Unfortunately, this trend is now creeping further down the age range, even to pre-teens. What can we do about this?

Being a health professional, and working with natural health for almost 40 years now, I've found that the answers are almost always very basic and foundational in nature. That is, the solutions aren't hard, but the application can sometimes be difficult until a habit is broken, or knowledge is imparted that "wakes" up the "big idea" about health in others, and they can then be their own best medicine.

The same is true in dealing with youth. A few concepts alone can help understand the challenges facing today's kids, and many of these are, of course, found in the bible. let's look at some of these to get a handle on how we can begin to deal with the continuing threat to our youth.

Our topics will be

• Self esteem
  
• Going "steady" and dating
  
• Sex
  
• Divorce

  1. Self Esteem is often one of the greatest facilitators of kid's actions. Peer pressure, wanting to be accepted, loved, and appreciated. We all want to feel "significant" to others, in some way, and oftentimes, we don't receive the best upbringing in that area at home with family. Guilt, fear, anxiety, anger, frustration, lack of accomplishments can all lend a hand in driving kids away from home and into the arms of society.

  In fact, this lack of proper self esteem follows us as long as we live and continues to drive, even adults, to seek wrong fulfillment, or become embroiled in damaging habits and patterns, all in an attempt to fill a need that isn't properly addressed. There is no easy answer to establishing proper self esteem if we can't recognize the problem, and even then, it takes some work and "rewiring" of our brains... which is VERY possible. (Finding a good psychologist can be a great start to digging up these problems and eliminating them or drastically reducing them... A technique called "EMDR" (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a good tool to utilize in the rewiring of our thought patterns into healthy ones).

  Suffice it to say that understanding that poor self esteem can be a root cause for the damaging behavior many kids get involved with, so supporting them in every positive endeavor, every good they do, every achievement, is vital. Focusing mostly on bad behavior alone, especially in early formative years, can do drastic damage to a child's potential. They will feel worthless, can become depressed, non-self-motivating, lazy, and become a poor worker, because they believe, "what's the use, I'll just fail anyway."

  Some scriptures to point kids to in helping them to put their focus on God, and sound things instead of in what others think:

  Ps 118:8 "It is better to trust in the LORD Than to put confidence in man. 9 It is better to trust in the LORD Than to put confidence in princes." NKJV throughout.

  Prov 14:26 26 In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence, And His children will have a place of refuge."

  Isa 40:31 "But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint."

  Isa 58:8 "The glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard. 9 Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer; You shall cry, and He will say, 'Here I am.'"

  Prov 3:5 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. 7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and depart from evil. 8 It will be health to your flesh, And strength to your bones."

  2. Dating is an important tool for our kids to use, however, going "steady" is often a huge peer status symbol. Dating various friends one meets is an important means of developing social skills, but... this dating does not need to be "one on one," especially in the beginning. Group dates are always fun and there is NOT the pressure of dating just one person in such a group date. It allows interaction between many people at the same time, and a kid can meet or get to know many others in such a date setting.

  The practice of "going steady" in a very short period of time simply leads our kids to practicing for divorce. Notice the process; The focus is on "finding someONE," getting them to like you, and then going "steady" with that "ONE" person, to the exclusion of others. Of course, the whole idea is that you are "cheating" somehow, or "playing the field" if you date more than one person, right? However, is this realistic?

  Most adults don't understand this process, but kids certainly do not have the experience to know what they want, know true character, be able to discern character flaws, and thus "choose" the "one" for them. Adults find it "cute" when a pre-teen "likes" someone, and they carry on about "boyfriend," or "girlfriend," and actually promote the concept that "there can be only one." This simply reinforces a bad mindset from early on, and sets them up for failure.

  For example, when the focus is placed on a general outward "like," and believe that this "like" is somehow real emotional maturity and "love," it establishes a "foundation" upon which we base all of our relationships on, especially with the opposite sex. Everyone remembers having people we "liked" in high school or grade school... liked a lot, but what happened to most of these relationships? They disappeared, and we moved on to the next "like," and this pattern continued until we got trapped into a "like" that got someone pregnant, caused an STD, or the many other side effects of a wrong approach to relationships.

  Moving from one "steady" to another, to another, creates a callousness in us that eventually makes any sort of real "commitment" in a relationship extremely difficult if possible at all. After all, sure it hurt to lose that girlfriend or boyfriend, but we made it through it, and went on to do it again, and again... further making it easier to dismiss the relationship when something goes wrong, or someone loses interest. Just "divorce" the "steady" and move on to what selfishly motivates us. Remember, going "steady" is NOT commitment.

  Going steady robs kids of the experience of learning about people, their personalities, what makes them tick. Going steady, forces an unhealthy "one on one," which very often leads directly to sex, which we will discuss later in this article. The issues of jealousy, envy, and suggested sexual parameters come to play. If someone dates a variety of people, they are often construed to be the whore, if a girl, or if a guy, sowing his wild oats. The subtle pressure from peers is that you shouldn't do that, and should be "faithful" in some mysterious way to just one person in a "relationship."

  Our kids need to understand that a relationship should NOT be an immediate one on one. That robs them of learning more about themselves, what they like, and what others are comparitivly like. No one can know what they really want until they have experienced casual, general relationships throughout their school lives. Obviously, at some point, a choice of likes and dislikes leads us to "know" what we "really" want instead of learning the hard way through emotional roller coaster relationships, often with many mistakes we wish we cuold take back.

  Mic 7:5 "Do not trust in a friend; Do not put your confidence in a companion;" (Such confidence in friends takes time to develop. God is saying that He should be our focus, and not people. Friends are great to have, and true friendship takes many months or years to develop.)

  Prov 18:24 "A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

  Proverbs is a great start to have kids read. It has much sound advice they can benefit from.

  3. Sex is probably the single greatest cause of suffering and misery for humanity. I'm not referring to sex as God designed it to be... within a committed marriage relationship (for life), but the grossly inflamed passions that are likes spokes of a wheel... a spoke for every sexual passion that exists.

  One of the greatest forces we have to deal with is sex, and especially, when we "awaken" (or have awakened) sexual love far sooner than it should be, in our youth...

  Song 8:4 "I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, Do not stir up nor awaken love Until it pleases." (Repeated two more times in Song of Solomon).

  Sex is meant to be a binding force between husband and wife. It should be experienced for the first time in that relationship, not in a casual short term relationship of "like." Placing sex out of order in a relationship, simply leads to disappointment, and, when the "one on one" relationship ends, guilt. Who wants someone who has slept with multiple partners in a casual, empty relationship?

  Yes, mistake are made, and these can be dealt with, but there are numerous penalties that often occur, some for life. Besides pregnancy, and oftentimes a couple that ends up apart and a child with no father figure, and a child now with the struggle of raising a child, and with a poor future to look forward to.

  Rom 1:24 "Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: 26 For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. 27 Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due."

  1 Cor 6:16 "Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For "the two," He says, "shall become one flesh. 18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body."

  What does "sinning against his own body" mean? I believe it is a spiritual issue involving physical commitment, and the wrong use of our bodies, as well as very possibly a physical threat to health because of the wrong use. Only time will deteremine that.

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